I know why

I know why I stopped updating this fucking blog.
I can't work up enough energy to convince myself it's important. I'm too exhausted to care about this any more.
I couldn't even make myself type this out properly; I just emailed it in from my phone. I barely care enough to explain myself. I can't be bothered with regular updates. They don't feel worth the effort. The act of writing my thoughts down no longer validates them.

so, wtf?

i cant imagine anyone is still reading this, but to any one who not only does check this regularly but was excited by my now-several-months-old declaration that i would come back to updating it often, i apologize. 

i don't know why i can't get my shit together and write here.

i stopped when i got into a relationship, so maybe the only reason i ever maintained this was loneliness and now that im communicating with another person every day i don't feel the need to vent the pressure in my head onto the internet. that's pretty lame though, i hope that isn't it.

maybe it's because i've gone back to a real journal where i can write about the people in my life without worrying they'll read it before i'm dead, so i get everything out in there.

maybe i'm fucking depressed and whenever i open a new post page i get stuck in an endlessly repeating loop of "nothing happened, i have nothing to say, my life is not worth writing about, i dont think anything about anything."

all of these are probably contributing factors.

i really am living up in the mountains and rarely see anyone beside my boyfriend, so there really aren't any new events to report. 

i suppose i should at least have new thoughts to fill this blog though. i don't really. i wake up every morning and work on my writing and after four or five hours i hate everything i've ever written so much i have no room for thoughts. 

so i dont know why ive abandoned this blog, but it does make me sad. 

here's hoping something motivates me to put more words on here in the future.

suggest topics, dear readers, and i'll address them.