helping out around the house

so my parents have a pond in their front yard, and near this pond is a large tree stump. until two days ago, an old, very weather-worn white(ish) post leaned against the stump. slung from this miraculously-uncollapsed post was a definitely rotten styrofoam lifesaver tube that would definitely sink if thrown to a drowning person.

so i bought a new lifesaver tube and painted stripes on it, dug a hole in the ground to make the pole free-standing, painted and finished the pole, and added a warning sign and a hook for the lifesaver.

i am crafty as all fuck, and highly concerned for the safety of people trespassing onto my parents' property to swim in their pond.

you're welcome, trespassers. swim at own risk. probably no one will throw this flotation device to you.

the trauma of being half-awake

I just woke from a terrible dream. I had lost my love, or he had left me, it was unclear, but I spent the whole night chasing after him, looking for him, wondering where he had gone.
Then when I began to wake up, my first thought was "it's ok. it was just dream. he's right here."
Then I woke up completely and realized he wasn't right here at all.

I'm doing so much better during the days, but the dreams still hunt me at night.

bravado - lorde

today was a day, i guess.
i got my first edit on my first story for the paper and it was overwhelmingly positive, so i'm going to re-write it and resubmit it tomorrow morning.
I also wrote a few new pieces for submission to a few different writing competitions and am looking forward to seeing how that goes.
i'm working on lining up a trip to the city, internship for a week and then a week catching up with some friends (you know, friends, people who you like and don't go out of their way to hurt you).
speaking of, I had a great night out at the greatest dive drag bar in toledo with a couple girls i've known for - jesus christ - ten years. so that lifted my spirits a bit.
nothing is really new, but i'm very much looking forward to getting back to new york.
oh also sensai told me today that i have a remarkable roundhouse kick and credited it to my long history of ballet. so don't fuck with me, i'll break your knees.

Things I like

Trees.
Roots and bark and leaves.
Dirt.
The moon.
The color of the sky when there's a storm coming in the afternoon.
Fields full of things growing.
Mountains. Large bodies of water. Small creeks.
Pine trees with their roots underneath the dirt underneath me and their trunks standing perfectly straight and their top branches in the sky.
Trees.

Macbeth

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.

yesterday (+free advice)

yesterday was, overall, pretty great.
i think i was still high on endorphins from martial arts the night before, when i refused to crush my instructor's face with my knee, despite his insistence that he gets kicked in the face all the time by people much stronger than i am.
i had a dream about reincarnation, where i was walking around what was essentially a fancypants arcade with lots of little rooms i could walk into and plug my soul in, and then i would live that life and die and end up back in the arcade. i dont remember living all the lives, i think in the dream i was just in the arcade looking at all my options. glimpses of reality.
then i successfully went out without having a panic attack! i saw some bands and met some people and talked to my new editor (!) bc i kinda work for a newspaper now. and when i came home i fell asleep right away.
probably my first genuinely good day, my first day that was Good from beginning to end with no terrible parts, in... let's see... ever? i think i had some Good days before rehab? I had a few on my road trip with nelson.


in other news, if you're ever giving yourself a sticknpoke tattoo, do not tattoo words unless they're really huge. you're going to want to make all the lines far away from each other, bc it will bleed into one black blur.

I'm reading the best book

and also I didn't sleep at all last night. bad dreams kept waking me up. same face kept showing up.

anyway, so maybe this idea is insomnia-inspired, but i've decided to start posting book reports on here when i finish the book i'm currently reading. it's so fucking incredible, it's really shaking my entire world, and if i can't write like this at least i can write about it. plus it'll build me a body of non-fiction writing.

and my ultimate goal in life is to be paid to read books and take bubble baths - read books while taking bubble baths - so maybe this will be the start of an illustrious career as a reclusive book reviewer.

that right there is called 'optimism.'