i was in new york for about a month and came back almost two weeks ago.
i've made several attempts to write about the trip as i promised i would, but i can't seem to do it comfortably.
i had a lot of incredible experiences with some of the most special people in my life, and frankly i don't want to share them with you.
those experiences are mine.
suffice to say the trip filled me with love and gratitude for my true friends.
you know who you are. thank you.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Friday, September 27, 2013
freelancers; modern cowboys.
i just so desperately want the stuff people said they would give.
im waiting on two different presents from nyc, plus payment from the paper, plus payment for this house sitting gig ive been doing for two weeks. i had to get another job because none of those jobs seem inclined to pay me.
i have so many great tattoo ideas. i need to get paid.
im waiting on two different presents from nyc, plus payment from the paper, plus payment for this house sitting gig ive been doing for two weeks. i had to get another job because none of those jobs seem inclined to pay me.
i have so many great tattoo ideas. i need to get paid.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
a study in masochism
so obviously i've been thinking a lot lately about my relationship history.
when i was in new york a close friend asked me what the common thread is between the men i've loved, and this got me started on a new thought process - that i am, essentially, more a victim of my own shit character assessments than of the men who've treated me so poorly. i know, heavy stuff.
when my last relationship ended, i was a mess. i crumbled. the ground i stood on crumbled beneath me and i fell and just kept falling.
i hurt.
so i decided that i would allow no new people into my life. no more flirting with emotional attachment because it only leads to searing pain and scars. i retreated from society. i watched a lot of tv with my parents.
but i realized yesterday that, completely without my awareness or knowledge, i've allowed a new person into my head. i'm not jumping into a relationship or into bed, but suddenly there's a new presence in my life, and this realization took me completely by surprise.
i know i meant it when i swore off new people. i know i meant it when i said i'd learned my lesson, and i would never again invest parts of myself in other people. i meant it when i said i had nothing left to invest, that any ability to feel i once had had been burned out of me.
so, what is this? am i glutton for punishment? have i learned nothing from being repeatedly driven to insanity by the men in my life?
or maybe it's not men generally - here comes the blind relentless hope i thought i'd been scourged of - maybe it's a certain type of man that consistently hurts me. maybe they're not all the same.
or maybe i'm addicted to intimacy and attention and will spend my entire life in a cycle of new happiness followed by familiar pain.
despite the tone of today's reflection, i'm happy. i'm building a life here, i have two jobs and i train every day and i have a crush on a boy. let's see what happens.
when i was in new york a close friend asked me what the common thread is between the men i've loved, and this got me started on a new thought process - that i am, essentially, more a victim of my own shit character assessments than of the men who've treated me so poorly. i know, heavy stuff.
when my last relationship ended, i was a mess. i crumbled. the ground i stood on crumbled beneath me and i fell and just kept falling.
i hurt.
so i decided that i would allow no new people into my life. no more flirting with emotional attachment because it only leads to searing pain and scars. i retreated from society. i watched a lot of tv with my parents.
but i realized yesterday that, completely without my awareness or knowledge, i've allowed a new person into my head. i'm not jumping into a relationship or into bed, but suddenly there's a new presence in my life, and this realization took me completely by surprise.
i know i meant it when i swore off new people. i know i meant it when i said i'd learned my lesson, and i would never again invest parts of myself in other people. i meant it when i said i had nothing left to invest, that any ability to feel i once had had been burned out of me.
so, what is this? am i glutton for punishment? have i learned nothing from being repeatedly driven to insanity by the men in my life?
or maybe it's not men generally - here comes the blind relentless hope i thought i'd been scourged of - maybe it's a certain type of man that consistently hurts me. maybe they're not all the same.
or maybe i'm addicted to intimacy and attention and will spend my entire life in a cycle of new happiness followed by familiar pain.
despite the tone of today's reflection, i'm happy. i'm building a life here, i have two jobs and i train every day and i have a crush on a boy. let's see what happens.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
papi pacify, FKA twigs
really the best video i've seen in a long, long time. i can't stop watching it.
Monday, September 16, 2013
introducing trey badami: fledgeling fashion photog extraordinaire
i'm leaving new york today to return to toledo. ill be on the train from 1530 today until 0600 tomorrow, so i'll have plenty of time en route to tell you everything i did and everyone i did it with while in new york. i promise to name names and go into excruciating detail about every moment of my triumphant return to the first city i ever lived, so check back for that.
right now though, i just have to show you these pictures. trey and i took them late last night / early this morning when neither of us could sleep. we'd been planning to do a shoot together to give him some practice and build his portfolio, so i expected us to have some fun and play around a bit. i certainly did not expect the images he created - this is only the fourth time he's ever photographed a model, and he took to directing naturally and comfortably. he was not only a pleasure to shoot with, he took some truly stunning pictures. these are not those pictures - they're pictures of his pictures, taken with my iphone while they displayed on his laptop screen.
(this next one is my favorite)
*probably my favorite thing about these is that if you look you can see mine and trey's reflection on his computer screen as i'm taking the pictures of his pictures*
right now though, i just have to show you these pictures. trey and i took them late last night / early this morning when neither of us could sleep. we'd been planning to do a shoot together to give him some practice and build his portfolio, so i expected us to have some fun and play around a bit. i certainly did not expect the images he created - this is only the fourth time he's ever photographed a model, and he took to directing naturally and comfortably. he was not only a pleasure to shoot with, he took some truly stunning pictures. these are not those pictures - they're pictures of his pictures, taken with my iphone while they displayed on his laptop screen.
 |
*probably my favorite thing about these is that if you look you can see mine and trey's reflection on his computer screen as i'm taking the pictures of his pictures*
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Raymond Carter's notes
In the introductory chapter to Fires: essays, poems, stories by Raymond Carver, he reveals his rules to writing, that he will "someday put on a three-by-five card and tape to the wall beside (his) desk."
I'm listing them here for my own reference, because when I have a desk I'll need to write them on notecards and tape them above it, directly underneath "SHOW - DON'T TELL."
- "write a little every day, without hope and without despair." (Quoted from Isak Dinesen)
- "Fundamental accuracy of statement is the ONE sole morality of writing." Ezra Pound
- "...and suddenly everything became clear." Anton Chekhov
- "No cheap tricks." Geoffrey Wolff
- "No iron can pierce the heart with such force as a period put at just the right place." - Isaac Babel, "Guy de Maupassant"
Quotes
"It's possible, in a poem or short story, to write about commonplace things and objects using commonplace but precise language, and to endow those things - a chair, a window curtain, a fork, a stone, a woman's earring - with immense, even startling power. It is possible to write a line of seemingly innocuous dialogue and have it send a chill down the reader's spine - the source of artistic delight, as Nabakov would have it."
"In the end, the satisfaction of having done our best, and the proof of that labor, is the one thing we can take into the grave."
"There has to be tension, a sense that something is imminent, that certain things are in relentless motion, ... or else ... there simply won't be a story. What creates tension in a piece of fiction is partly the way the concrete words are linking together to make up the visible action of the story. But it's also the things that are left out, that are implied, the landscape just underneath the smooth (but sometimes broken and unsettled) surface of things."
"V.S. Pritchett's definition of a short story is 'something glimpsed out of the corner of the eye, in passing.'"
"The short story writer's task is to invest the glimpse with all that is in his power. He'll bring his intelligence and literary skill to bear (his talent), his sense of proportion and sense of the fitness of things: of how things out there really are and how he sees those things-like no one else. And this is done through the use of clear and specific language, language used so as to bring to light the details that will light up the story for the reader. For the details to be concrete and convey meaning, the language must be accurate and precisely given. The words can be so precise they may even sound flat, but they can still carry; if used right, they can hit all the notes."
I'm listing them here for my own reference, because when I have a desk I'll need to write them on notecards and tape them above it, directly underneath "SHOW - DON'T TELL."
- "write a little every day, without hope and without despair." (Quoted from Isak Dinesen)
- "Fundamental accuracy of statement is the ONE sole morality of writing." Ezra Pound
- "...and suddenly everything became clear." Anton Chekhov
- "No cheap tricks." Geoffrey Wolff
- "No iron can pierce the heart with such force as a period put at just the right place." - Isaac Babel, "Guy de Maupassant"
Quotes
"It's possible, in a poem or short story, to write about commonplace things and objects using commonplace but precise language, and to endow those things - a chair, a window curtain, a fork, a stone, a woman's earring - with immense, even startling power. It is possible to write a line of seemingly innocuous dialogue and have it send a chill down the reader's spine - the source of artistic delight, as Nabakov would have it."
"In the end, the satisfaction of having done our best, and the proof of that labor, is the one thing we can take into the grave."
"There has to be tension, a sense that something is imminent, that certain things are in relentless motion, ... or else ... there simply won't be a story. What creates tension in a piece of fiction is partly the way the concrete words are linking together to make up the visible action of the story. But it's also the things that are left out, that are implied, the landscape just underneath the smooth (but sometimes broken and unsettled) surface of things."
"V.S. Pritchett's definition of a short story is 'something glimpsed out of the corner of the eye, in passing.'"
"The short story writer's task is to invest the glimpse with all that is in his power. He'll bring his intelligence and literary skill to bear (his talent), his sense of proportion and sense of the fitness of things: of how things out there really are and how he sees those things-like no one else. And this is done through the use of clear and specific language, language used so as to bring to light the details that will light up the story for the reader. For the details to be concrete and convey meaning, the language must be accurate and precisely given. The words can be so precise they may even sound flat, but they can still carry; if used right, they can hit all the notes."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
