im currently feeling rather stagnant. while tagging along w bmom to return some too-small boots to nordstrom, i had a bit of an identity crisis brought on by my complete lack of a look. im style-less. i have none. my hair, because im growing it out, just looks like nothing, just a mousy brown shag on top of an increasingly shapeless body and lined face. idk if i just feel the loss of the edge on which i used to live, or if i really have lost my personal edges. maybe im not out here in america forming an identity, maybe im losing the only one that ever gave me a degree of success and confidence.
im just so damn bored.
im fucking tired of wearing clothes that dont matter, of my body being in the shape it's in, of my hair just looking like brownish nothing piled on top of my head.
i want to be looked at like i matter! yes, its shallow and lame and fucking embarrassingly gross to type out but im bored by my own life.
more valium.
anyway, here are some pictures.
the only celebrating we had time for, my birthday brunch. it was fun. it isnt all dull. sometimes there's champagne
more pictures of my damn dog doing what he does best. sleeping. means he likes it here i guess.
some pics of my brothers being adorable, which is what they do best.
theyre fun when theyre happy. but its hard not to want to step in and - i guess im learning a lot about parenting. its a valuable experience.
my birthday brunch cappuccino. look, its all.. cute n shit.
a picture of me sleeping, between other people, also sleeping. sums it up i guess.
well anyway. im not as unhappy as this post suggest. just bored. and have been wearing god damn sweats for too god damn long. i dont even need to carry a knife any more - i havent been hit on in months. i cant believe i miss that shit, but without it i feel rather like shit.
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