for the best

i could bullshit you all w some history about where that phrase comes from, what it means to do something for the best, the ethics of "for the best for the individual" v "for the greatest amount of good for the greatest amount of people" and what "for the best" really means, but just by starting this post with "i could..." ive proven my credentials to all the lit and philosophy majors who needed that and ive proven that im an irredeemable asshole to everyone who doesnt give a shit about majors.

i keep hearing people say "i think it's for the best," "what do you think is the best?" "im not sure this is the best...," their voices dripping with burden they refuse to acknowledge as soon as i enter a room. im not upset, in fact im feeling a bit guilty that my existence has so many strangers wondering what would be for the best for me.

ay, here's the rub (ps everyone in the play im quoting dies in the end): there isnt a best possible outcome for the greatest number of people.
there isnt one for me.

i just keep hearing the echo of "keeping her here isnt for the best." i agree though, bc all i want, the thing that would be the best for me, is going home

going home, for me, is reuniting w my man, packing our tent, out cookstove, our books, our spirals, our pencils, our sharpeners, our knives, driving our enny as far into the rockies as she'll go, and then just living there.
we'll find a stream for water. we have weapons so we we'll learn to snare and hunt and fish. before winter we'll build shelter. we divide to living jobs in the morning and then do our art in the afternoon,

i keep thinking to myself "i dont want you to keep thinking about whats best - what compromises need to be made for us to make whats best." i dont want that. i want to go home.

and this living in the fucking dirt and the trees up in the rockies, that was the closest to heaven that ill ever come. and i want to go home to there