i thought my new schedule of going to the gym every morning and the dojo every evening and the meditation and the being with my family and the sleeping at night and all this damn time would make me stop crying at every little thing that reminds me and hurts, so i thought that i was finally ok enough to unpack my suitcase and put all my clothes on shelves and hang my dresses in the closet and my books back on the shelf.
i was wrong. i just zipped up my empty suitcase and put it on the top shelf of the closet, and now im folding all these clothes that have lived in the van and rolled in the dirt of the mountains and the sand in the desert and im sobbing like no time has passed at all.
i hate feeling like this. i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it. i hate my clothes all neat and folded on these same fucking shelves again. i hate my shoes in their neat fucking rows and im just sobbing all over again.
this is taking longer than i thought it would.
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