lets go swimming!

i realized yesterday that ive been putting too much of my bullshit on one friend, and i think i really burned him out. since we got to be close about three years ago, we've texted each other at least once, but usually throughout, every day. hes become the other half of my thought process. as you may have noticed though, dear reader, my thought process has been pretty manic depressive lately and it just isnt fair to force him into being my all-purpose guru / life coach / girl friend / big brother / lover / therapist. i need to give him a break and spread my crazy around. its become second nature to reach for my phone whenever i have a thought or see anything halfway interesting though, so this is going to be harder than i thought.

yesterday i also returned my axman's apartment key, which is something ive never done. idk if ive just never been with anyone casual enough to give me a key before, or if ive just always dated guys who are technically homeless (thats actually kinda true), but somehow i made it to the ripe (rotting) age of 22 without having had this experience. no matter what the actual circumstances are, even if the relationship was just for fun and based on mutual sexual attraction rather than some deep emotional bond, giving a boy back his key totally blows. im through it now, but i was pretty raw about it all day.

my dads coming to the city this saturday with a big fuckin van to get all my shit out of my apartment. i havent been staying there since i got back in the city because id rather be homeless than share a space with those people ("alex, she has evil in her heart."), but i went up there yesterday to get all my shit together. i sorted out all my clothes into piles (so far i have rock show/bar, daytime summer, nighttime summer, winter, and dated/doesnt fit/ugly) and called it a day. hopefully ill make better progress today.
i wish it wasnt necessary for my dad to drive all the way out here and all the way back to ohio, but im inexplicably too young to rent a car myself and im sure as hell not leaving my stuff in that apartment - every piece of furniture in there belongs to me or my parents. the antique kitchen table, the chairs, the chest my great-grandmother brought from czechoslovakia, three bookcases, several mirrors, all the dishware, the silverware, the pots and pans, the bathroom scale - even all the fucking bath towels in that place are mine, and i intend to remove everything my family brought in there.
maybe when their apartment is fucking EMPTY except for their bed and their god damn BIRDS (plural. birds. i work at night, and these assholes bought birds.) theyll realize the lengths my parents went to to make them comfortable, even beyond putting their credit at risk to guarantee the apartment in the first place.

in significantly more fun news, see that photo at the top of this blog? that was taken by vincent skeltis, whom i admire as both a friend and an artist ( www.vincentskeltis.com ). we spoke yesterday about on some new projects that im really excited about and i hope we can get started in, oh, the next ten minutes. like i told him yesterday, i would do pretty much anything if he shot it. i love working with him.

on one last note - i got this beautiful new bikini that im DYING to wear, so if anyone would like to take me swimming or boating, please text me immediately.