I walk up to the pizza counter, proofing a blog on my cellphone, or txting with somebody, i need to look distracted. Like this is an accident, I have stumbled upon you by pure chance. There I see it, covered in cauliflower, olives, large pools of flavored olive oil, fennel, broccoli, a train-wreck of a pizza. Arugula? I may be allergic to it, still it is my best bet.. Ill pray that I don't break out in debilitating hives while my throat closes... than I wonder if the food in the hospital is free.. fuck it, we all know that I don't have health insurance.
"Oh my," I say "This one looks pretty interesting, is it good?"
Than I deliver the blow, they can not refuse me, their "open sampling policy" sign hangs clearly over the cookies which I once ate so many of that I nearly collapsed from a stomach cramp.
"....May I try the mastodon?"
I am basically starving but spent all of my money on things like rent, bills, whatnot, alcohol, the new needles that I need to DJ with, a $300 pair of headphones. Food, um no, sorry, no room in the budget, .. i need to sample this pizza if I am to have any at all.
I cannot sample a normal pizza, everybody has eaten normal pizza, I need to try to stomach this strange non-pizza so as not to arouse suspician that I am trying for a freebee, that I have no money, that I spent it all on useless crap, that I am an ARTIST and feel that I should be eating for free.... All the same, I should have shaven and wore a shirt that didn't have a conspicuous bloodstain on it and a few less holes.
"S'cuse me" she says, visor and dead eyes flicking up, She surmises that I am doing some weekend home improvements, perhaps? I am at whole foods picking up some caviar for brunch tomorrow afternoon, I have plenty of money, curiosity has lured me to the pizza counter. Curiosity and chance, not starvation. Or so I pray to myself.
She cuts off the smallest imaginable piece, it fits in a mini cardboard post-consumer cup, I take it away, thankful for this humiliating transaction to be through..
"Ill certainly give it a whirl" I say all chipper, once again back to my phone, texting somebody, promoting a club night...
She doesn't answer, only watches with vague interest as I wander to the cheese cubes and pretend that I happened upon them by chance, so obvious.
-Asleep at the Glue Factory
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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