playing house

i just re-watched the video i posted earlier in the month called "pretty" and i cried and cried.
it was cathartic.

ive been fucking low lately and idk why. im spending too much time inside bc nelsons afraid to go out. to get him to walk i have to coax him off the stoop for about half an hour and even then hell only go around the block. it fucking breaks my heart. i have to work harder and get him the fuck out of here as soon as i can. its really killing me. that plus some other shit, columbia graduation has come and gone and suddenly my friends have a piece of paper i most likely will never have and im afraid that will haunt me. but ive always preferred to be at a disadvantage. i have always fought uphill battles.

i hung with an old friend the other night. it feels like we've been friends longer than four years because weve been through about forty years of bullshit together. i trust him with my life, but not just because he's saved it several times. hes Good. he has a soul, and i see it, and i value that in a person. anyway, hey tig. look, i wrote about you!

ive been missing my other bff desperately. we never talk any more, and im not sure how it happened. we were both too busy and then time built up and now its too hard to bridge the separation between us.
i guess thats what growing up is.

its time we get honest with girls. girls thinking they can be models has been fucking huge for the perv community and i need to say something.
youre 23, 5'3 and 115 pounds. you were close, but you missed it. youre too old, too short, and too fat. im sorry that this is the reality of your situation, but its time to go back to school and get that hotel management degree. stop agreeing to "photo shoots" in hotel rooms. its just an excuse for some dude to watch you writhe on the floor in your underwear.