I'm in my early 20s. I don't know what life means, but I frantically weigh options and priorities so as to use my time on earth wisely. I work, I mingle, staying on top of the game of survival. I overanalyze experiences searching for reward and gratification - trying to justify making things worth my time and energy.
It's generally assumed that girls like me have no self-respect. I think my problem is that I have too much self respect - too much to stay with unpaid internships in Chelsea, or service jobs that pay 8$ an hour. My time and efforts are fucking precious.
(I have a Bachelor's Degree from NYU - isn't that funny?)
Work sucks. If I had my way, I'd sit and paint and watch movies all day. But that's not an option. So I opt for jobs that require minimum time committment and maximum revenue.
I like it. It's a game - a numbers game. And I'm always trying to beat my high score. Charming the hell out of the guests - I'm a manipulating seductress who empties your wallet.
People emerge from the champagne room in pairs. I think to myself, "they just fucked."
**Shudder**
I never do things that feel whorey. Domming feels whorey. Modeling for amateur photographers feels whorey. (I think "the whorey feeling comes from activities that feel like favors.)
Porn, interestingly, doesn't feel whorey. At least not to me. It feels naughty, exciting, sometimes an endurance test, and certainly slutty! But not whorey.
One likes to feel alive...
The scene. Ohh the incestuous scene.
I happen to socialize in clubs a lot. My friends do too.
The underground club scene is a playground where adults can act like children. Or teenaged girls - there's a lot of that.
Some misguided individuals make the mistake of taking it seriously - the drink tickets and free bumps and names on the flier can really go to one's head. Remember that they will find another mohawked girl with ripped tights to replace you next season.
-Miss A
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